Leading up to the arrival of our daughter, Dylan, my wife would proudly show me all of the tiny outfits Dylan was going to get to wear. There were outfits for 0-3 months, 3-6 months, 6 months etc. There were shirts, shorts, jumpers, onesies and more - which snapped or zipped (or neither). I was just happy that she had clothes which was one less thing for us to buy (that statement held true -- for about never -- it was never a true statement).
I always thought that changing the diaper was going to be the most frustrating, traumatic part of fatherhood. Nay. Snapping the pajamas of an infant/baby is the most frustrating, traumatic part for the following reasons:
- There are a lot of snaps to snap. Snaps are everywhere. There are so many silvery snaps that I feel like I am dressing my daughter for a Sons of Anarchy themed Daddy and me class.
- The snaps are not easy to find in the dark. I have been instructed by my wife that the lights should be off while getting the baby ready for bed. This makes snapping little snaps even more challenging.
- Miss a snap. Miss the snap tucked underneath the right thigh of your baby, start over (for you Monopoly players = go to jail, don't pass go, don't collect $200).
- The process repeats itself. Diaper after diaper; snap, unsnap, snap, unsnap.
I plead with my wife to choose more zipper outfits. Apparently snaps are better. I tell her my fingers hurt. She proceeds to recite the following Ben Stiller monologue from Happy Gilmore (which by the way is a 20 year old film):
Baby clothes designers of the world (I believe that is an official title) -- Why not --
- Less snaps?
- Glow in the dark snaps?
- Magnets?
If one of the above exists, I need to know about it immediately.
Time to sanitize some bottles.